IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well-educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #time #television #book #tool
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Ｗith
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced technology,most people choose a variety of digital devices as their educational material.
However
, some people argue that
television
 comprises a large amount of percentage of adverse impact on education rather than a traditional book. Despite some disadvantage of
television
 has emerged, I will argue that
television
 is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 good option for learning. One primary reason is effective.
Television
 is filled with a great deal of graphics than traditional books. Undoubtedly, students can remember well through vivid video
instead
 of orthodox print-book;
Therefore
, they can build up more knowledge by watching
historical
Add an article
the historical
a historical
show examples
 documentary and educational channel.
In addition
, readers
also
 can create an imagination base on 3-D animation, which leads to a
profund
Correct your spelling
profound
 effect on society. One drawback,
however
, students are addicted to
television
 easily because of
Change the article
a
show examples
different kind of cartoons and movies.
This
 phenomenon may cause serious health
hazard
Change the noun form
hazards
show examples
such
 as poor eyesight and obesity.
In addition
 to
effectively
Replace the word
effective
show examples
 learning. Watching
television
 is beneficial to most people because they can understand the current trend or problem and have empathy simultaneously. Take the global climate as an example, audiences can realise the actual problem
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 rising
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sea level, which results in less
abundant
Replace the word
abundance
show examples
 in agriculture, as well as may figure out the solution that how to protect the earth. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm that effectively and more understand the current trend is the benefit from watching
television
.
Moreover
, we still need to be more cautious to schedule the time of watching.
Submitted by peggy72323 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: