IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Longer life spans and improvement in the health care suggest that older people can continue to live full and active lives.

#life #improvement #health #care #people #lives
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It is obvious that
people
Use synonyms
 desire to spend their limited time with either family or someone whom they love.
Therefore
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, medical developments are improved by many experts to support health care and the population lifespan in order to keep them live longer.
This
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 essay will explore why
this
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 improvement is beneficial to the majority.
Firstly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 started to gain knowledge regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health care due to a huge number of dead in many
last
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 decades according to some pandemics and dangerous diseases with no essential treatment. Many professional stimulate
people
Use synonyms
 to have more awareness in living.
Consequently
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, most elders can live full and active lives. Undoubtedly, they help to maintain the balance in their family by nurturing the old tradition and giving some advice which always
control
Change the verb form
controls
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people
Use synonyms
 from making
wrong
Add an article
the wrong
a wrong
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 decision.
Moreover
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, they can look after their grandchild when the busy parents go to work which can reduce the family's expenses in hiring some nannies.
Event
Correct your spelling
Even
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 bough they stop working, they tend to provide knowledge about historical events, places and , materials to the population through social media which might be
an useful information
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useful information
a piece of useful information
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 for
further
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 education of children.
In addition
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,
this
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 kind of data may let archaeologists work easier and broaden some ways to upgrade ancient tourist attractions
thus
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 the economy will grow,
ore
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the ore
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 as same as exchanging national culture and ideal. In conclusion,
although
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 the old person cannot take a job.they are worth
to live
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living
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npby
Correct your spelling
by
 taking advantages back to their community.
Similarly
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, they are the
center
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centre
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 of their family's members and guiding the way of life from their own experiences. Ultimately their knowledge might necessary for the country development.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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