IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt that crime rates have dramatically increased over the
last
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 few years. Some criminals can manage themselves to become good human beings while their stay in prisons. One of the main reasons is that they have practically seen the problems and sacrifice they had to make.
However
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, a fair amount of
people
Use synonyms
 think that these are the best examples of creating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness about
about
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
crimes in teenagers. I personally agree with the statement and the following essay will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
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 details
about
Change preposition
apply
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it.
To begin
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 with, it is a fact that the public usually has negative images
to
Change preposition
of
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ex-prisoners, but not all of them have a bad personality.
Firstly
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, it is the duty of the government and the
people
Use synonyms
 to identify the aspects of
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 in teenagers. After that, there should be workshop and seminars which should enhance the consequences of committing
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 through the captives.
Secondly
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, due to the experiences obtained as long as running punishment, they seem to become
a suitable speakers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a suitable speaker
suitable speakers
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 to tell the teens about the difficulties that might be faced when living in a prison.
For example
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, most western countries
are followed
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have followed
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these idea
Change the determiner
this idea
these ideas
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 for their minor folks
Fix the infinitive
to
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become
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good citizens through the ex-culprit experience.
Furthermore
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who have been punished by the law would benefit from
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 arrangements as well. They would feel better by sharing their stories and
this
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 is
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to stay away from
Add an article
the offense
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offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 for these
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, they would
also
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 feel connected to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and would be glad for doing something good. In ,addition, alternative ways of educating
young
Add an article
the young
a young
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 person about the danger of accomplishing a misdeed are allowing teachers
educate
Fix the infinitive
to educate
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 students would treat those as class lectures, not the
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
intresting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 stories to listen to carefully. Educating students through stories and films can
also
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 be effective but they are not as
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
interactive as
session
Add an article
a session
the session
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 with
ex-
Add an article
the ex-
show examples
 culprit. To conclude, irrefutably we should hate misdeed, not the lawbreaker as they are
also
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 the human being and we should educate our younger generation about the consequences of accomplishing misdeed and I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 they would learn
this
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 better from reformed lawbreakers who
speaks
Change the verb form
speak
show examples
 from their experience.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
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