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Band 5

Some people think that the goverment is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere To what extent do you agree with this view.

#people #goverment #money #arts
Somebody thinks that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
 is not
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
 in our
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and the
government
 is passing
budget
Add an article
a budget
the budget
show examples
 on the
arts
, despite
this
 money could
be better use
Change the verb form
better use
show examples
 another sector. I
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
 with
this
 point of view, while especially nowadays
art
 plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in growing humanity. Life without
art
 look likes an empty bottle, which is boring and none attractive performance.
Art
 helps
people
 to grow up and develop
internal
Correct article usage
an internal
show examples
 mind, achieve high steps of spirituality in the world.
Therefore
,
art
 must be
determining
Change the form of the verb
determined
show examples
 as a needed part of society and the
government
 always allocate money for flourishing
art
.
Art
 is a part of
culture
Add an article
the culture
a culture
show examples
,
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
 it shows a face of a nation,
also
 reflects their mankind. The
government
 always must support
art
 projects, works, different kind of exhibitions for the good of the state.
For instance
, when you visiting
exhibition
Correct article usage
an exhibition
show examples
 with workers of Van Gogh, your internal soul is glad, you receive inspiration and creativity, you may get
motivation
Add an article
the motivation
show examples
 to start new things and I think it is
amazing
Correct article usage
an amazing
show examples
 time to spent time with
art
, love and live in
these environment
Change the determiner
this environment
these environments
show examples
. If a nation has spiritually rich
people
 it is an invaluable property of the
government
. Encouragement for
arts
 from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 improves the livelihood of thousands of
people
 who base their career on
arts
.
This
 proves beneficial both to
people
 who work on
arts
 and others who enjoy
arts
. To conclude, since
arts
 play an important role in the lives of
people
, it is very important for the
government
 to make sure that
arts
 are financed properly in a variety of forms like museums, exhibitions, documentary films, craft expos, and so on.
Submitted by Gaini on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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