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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below
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The given bar charts illustrate the percentage of the community who buy 3 various types of
Add an article
the
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music
Use synonyms
 collection in the UK, namely pop, rock and classical
music
Use synonyms
, classified into various genders and age groups. The data shows that between the two genders, men always buy
music
Use synonyms
collection
Fix the agreement mistake
collections
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 more than women. Among
4
Correct article usage
the 4
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youth groups, one between 25–34
years
Use synonyms
 aged has the highest per cent on average,
while
Linking Words
 the community above the life of 45 tend to buy
music
Use synonyms
 collection the least. People who purchased Pop and Rock
music
Use synonyms
 are dominantly male, with 28% and 25%, respectively. In these two genres, the proportion of male
Use synonyms
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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 is at least 10% higher than that of
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the
a
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female
Use synonyms
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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.
However
Linking Words
, in the category of Classical
music
Use synonyms
, even though the male rate still exceeds the female per cent, the gap between the two figures is less than 4%, with around 6% for female
shopper
Fix the agreement mistake
shoppers
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 and nearly 10% for
a
Correct article usage
apply
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male
Use synonyms
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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. Looking at various age groups,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most musical scrapbooks were purchased by people between 25 and 34
years
Use synonyms
 aged.
This
Linking Words
 youth band made up above 30% of all purchases for both Pop and Rock
music
Use synonyms
, which makes it the biggest society in these 2 categories,
while
Linking Words
 the smallest percentage is of the body over 45
years
Use synonyms
 ancient.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of the
customer
Use synonyms
 for Classical
music
Use synonyms
scrapbook
Fix the agreement mistake
scrapbooks
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 belongs to the body of people who are from 45 and above, and the smallest group is
of
Change preposition
apply
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youngsters from 16 to 24
years
Use synonyms
 mature.
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, years, customer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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