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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinema visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #cinema #attendance #australia #visits #age #groups #information #features #comparisons
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The table and line chart give information regarding the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who paid a visit to
Use synonyms
movie
Add an article
the movie
show examples
 theatre
as well as
Linking Words
 how many
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
visitors attend
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
cinema
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 various
age
Use synonyms
groups
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 in Australia over a period of 4
years
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. It can be seen that the
number
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 of visitors
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 to the
cinema
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,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stood at 62 per cent in 1996, compared to 72 per cent over the
next
Linking Words
 2
years
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. One
year
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 later, there was a slight decrease of 2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 before increasing to 72 per cent in 2000 in the percentage of attendees who saw a
movie
Use synonyms
 in the theatres.
In addition
Linking Words
, the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
frequency stood at 10.3
visits
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 annually in 1996. And
then
Linking Words
, it reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
11.1
times
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 in 1997 before dropping about 8.3
times
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 over the
next
Linking Words
 3 months. In 1996, the
number
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 of
people
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 between 14 -35
years
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 old who went to the
cinema
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about
Add a missing verb
was about
show examples
 15
times
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while
Linking Words
 roughly 13
times
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 of visitors aged 35-49.
Moreover
Linking Words
, over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50
years
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 old reach the lowest point at 10
times
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. After one
year
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, All of the
age
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groups
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 had the same pattern , there was a significant rise of 8
times
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
for all
groups
Use synonyms
 who came to the
cinema
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. And
then
Linking Words
, the figures for the
year
Use synonyms
 1998 fall dramatically
Change preposition
by
show examples
nearly 15
times
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
14-35.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged 35-49 and over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50
years
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 old sharply fall to 13
visits
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 and over 10
times
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, respectively. In the
year
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 1999, the average of
visits
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also
Linking Words
 steeply increase in all of the
groups
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 ( over 20
times
Use synonyms
 in
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
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, 20
times
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 in 35-49
years
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 old and 17
times
Use synonyms
 in 50 or more ).
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
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, the
cinema
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visits
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 of each
group
Use synonyms
 rose gradually.
However
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 in the
over 50
Add a hyphen
over-50
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 still were the lowest frequency to see the
cinema
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 with under 15
times
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the most regular
visits
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 were the youngest
groups
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 with 18
times
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, approximately. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of citizens tends to upward
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to see a
movie
Use synonyms
 annually.
According to
Linking Words
 the charts, we can see that the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 seeing a
movie
Use synonyms
 theatre that was youngsters.
Submitted by caomyphuong3004 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to, next".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, people, movie, cinema, age, groups, years, year, visits, times, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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