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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #purpose #education #society #individuals #ambitions
Having an
education
 is a primary need and a right of every individual, even though they may have different objectives of
education
. Some think an
education
 degree can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in a good way, whilst others believe that it helps people to obtain their dreams. I completely agree with these two statements and will explain
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 the below paragraphs. On the one hand, the purpose of
education
 is not only about money and position, but
also
 is a part of support to those who need it.
An
Remove the article
Education
show examples
education
 can be a social changer for those who utilize it as a way of
contribution
Replace the word
contributing
show examples
 to the community.
For example
, some university students in Indonesia spend their one semester living in small villages in Indonesia to create a social project for the local villagers and to help the locals using their knowledge to improve local villagers’ live. That’s why
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education
 can be beneficial for society and
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 community.
On the other hand
, it is not a mistake if one’s purpose in getting
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
education
 is to achieve their ambitions in
position
Correct article usage
a position
show examples
 or in finance. Some need higher
education
 to be promoted to a higher position in a company or an organization.
For instance
, a civil servant in Indonesia cannot be promoted to
Add a hyphen
higher-level
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 level if they do not continue their study to
postgraduate
Correct article usage
a postgraduate
show examples
 degree.
Moreover
, it is popular that individuals with a high
education
 earn more money. They are likely easy to place in a good level in a good company with an outstanding
education
 background. To sum up,
although
 we need
education
Change the article
the education
show examples
 to be beneficial to people’s
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, have
an
Change the article
the
show examples
education
 to achieve ambition is not a wrong idea.
Submitted by hanizachri on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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