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Band 5.5

In the present era, children are found to have fewer responsibilities than it used to be in the past time. Some people consider it as positive development, however, some other people believe it to be a negative trend. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#era #children #responsibilities #time #people #development #trend
In
this
 modern era,
children
 are not bound with as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 responsibilities as compared to the earlier times.
Although
 it is thought
as
Change preposition
of as
show examples
 a positive trend
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
 some people, the negative impacts of taking less charge to the development of a child
overshadows
Change the verb form
overshadow
show examples
 the benefits, and
this
 essay will explain my view
further
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the
one
 hand,
one
 reason for thinking that
children
 will gain from being less responsible compared to the
last
 few years is that they would have more time to study. In
this
 day and age, competition for academic success is much more pressurized than it was in the past, partly due to the increasing population.
For example
, to win a place in a university in Vietnam, modern students have to contest with twice as many applicants as that of only 5 years ago.
As a result
, in order to prepare themselves for the upcoming examination, it is advantageous for students of the current time to have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 of other concerns and only focus on their educational practice.
On the other hand
, there are more disadvantages for the maturity of the child when responsibilities are ripped off their shoulders. The future
children
 may lack self-disciplinary skills as well as the ability to solve real-life problems, which are crucial to
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 a well-oriented life. As a matter of fact, modern university graduates in Vietnam find themselves unable to take on any career because they cannot independently function as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conscious human being, with the absence
problem-solving
Change preposition
of problem-solving
show examples
 skills and self-control.
That is
 to say, the lessons from the act of bearing responsibility
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 indispensable to a future of a person,
therefore
 should not be negligible. Conclusively, though different people have different opinions about
children
 being given lesser responsibilities, it is a negative trend according to my personal view, since without early participation of being responsible for
one
's own matter,
children
 might not be able to maintain a sustainable life in the future.
Submitted by doannguyenhadan on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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