IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

As children becomes adults , the social behaviour changes in some ways , what are the main differences between young children ‘ social behaviour and that of adults ? To what extent are changes that take place good ?

#children #adults #behaviour #changes #differences #place
It is a very true fact that when children grow into adults their social activities will change in some ways . There are many differences between them about social behaviour and it plays a significant role to a large extent about their good changes . In terms of differences , teenagers are not mature enough take to take any decisions and to hold any responsibilities because they put steps just into the outer world and
also
 they do not have a sense of right or wrong thing .
On the contrary
 , adults have matured persons who easily face many problems in their
life
 they have ample
life
 experience than young toddlers .
Additionally
 , they earn themselves and take responsibilities in their
life
 with a happy face .
Furthermore
, they frequently join family or social gatherings in order to make good relationships with others ,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 offsprings are reluctant to do that because they do not understand its importance and
also
 they have a less mutual understanding as compared to adults . Whereas there are some advantages to children to take risks and adventure in their
life
 which helps to boost their confidence level ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
consequently
 it grows their personal and professional development . For an instance, a company and organisation change management strategies due to technological advancement . These are flexible to accept to changes that come in a professional career which helps to be self-confident and flexible . In conclusion , there are so many differences between toddlers and adult ' s social behaviour
such
 as younger are less mature than older ones . These changes greatly help to move forward in their
life
 as they improve their confidence level .
Submitted by himanshumali90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: