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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the activities of large multinational corporations mostly benefit the economies of developing countries. Other people take the opposite view and feel that these large multinationals are generally harmful. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #activities #corporations #benefit #economies #countries #multinationals
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It is undeniable that the
actions
Use synonyms
 of international organisations can directly impact the host
countries
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 positively and negatively. In
this
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 regard, some individuals think that the economy of developing
countries
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 can be enhanced by their investments.
However
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, others argue that their activities are harmful in some aspects of those
countries
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. In my opinion,
although
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 the
overall
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 economy can be developed, their
actions
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 can affect those developing
countries
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 in negative ways so the local authorities should regulate their
actions
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 to a certain extent.
To begin
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 with, the investment of multinational corporations in developing
countries
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 can offer positive impacts on both individuals and a nation as a whole . Since they establish factories and industries, they require a workforce , thereby several job opportunities can be provided for local people. From the governmental side, income tax and business tax can be expected.
As a result
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,
this
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 transition can escalate the
overall
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 economy of a nation.
On the other hand
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, some organisations often exploit the weakness of those developing
countries
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 and tend to do harmful activities,
such
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 as nuclear power development by offering a huge amount of money. Those activities are detrimental to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 severely, which can lead to environmental pollution.
As a consequence
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, it can even threaten the health of local people.
Therefore
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, some people are against international investment.
To sum up
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, it can be reiterated that investment in international corporations can offer both advantages and disadvantages for the host society.
Therefore
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, the government should limit its
actions
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 and consider their consequences to protect the well-being of citizens.
Submitted by ayepwintphyu02 on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, incorporating more specific and relevant examples would strengthen your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific companies, projects, or incidents could illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are generally clear and well-organized, but ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next would enhance coherence. Transition signals or linking phrases between paragraphs can improve the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion, effectively setting up and summarizing the discussion.
task achievement
Your response comprehensively covers both views, providing detailed reasons and opinions, which addresses the task fully.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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