IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#believe #action #crime
Nobody would dispute the fact that we should fight
crime
 and try to prevent it.
However
, some people think that we need to do more to prevent
crime
 better.Others argue that we deal with
crime
 effectively know.
Therefore
, I reckon that we definitely need to improve in
crime
 preventing.In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides and give a relevant opinion on them. On the one hand, there isn't doubt that
police
 should take actions and
advace
Correct your spelling
advance
advice
 their
crime fighting
Add a hyphen
crime-fighting
show examples
. Nowadays there are a lot of crimes and it is more difficult to fight them.As the matter of fact, studies
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that since 2001 the cyber crimes increased rapidly and the
police
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not ready to prevent them.I believe that we should invest money to be better at fighting cyber attacks. For
examaple
Correct your spelling
example
, we could build schools for programmers who will be taught how to prevent
such
atacks
Correct your spelling
attacks
 and create reliable antiviruses.
On the other hand
, there are a few disadvantages in the improvement of
police
.Unfortunately, to do
this
 we need to invest a lot of money which could be invested in cities.
For instance
,
instead
 of buying
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 for
crime
 preventing, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 could help hospitals, regular schools, and boost the life of
habitans
Correct your spelling
habitats
inhabitants
habitants
.
Moreover
, we could create
such
 laws that people will be afraid to do the
crime
.
For example
, all serious offences
such
 as murder or robbery should be punished by the death penalty, so no one would be brave to take
such
 a risk. To sum up, I assume that we definitely should enhance the
police
 and create new laws to help
fighting
Change the verb form
to fight
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
.
Submitted by roman.antonyak16 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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