IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Giving children and adolescents pocket money is common throughout the world. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this practice and give your own opinion.

#children #adolescents #pocket #money #world #practice
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are a plethora of things that are essential for people’s lives, and money is one of the most important things. Many individuals get pocket money from their parents since they were little, and pay for goods and services as they grew their sense of money. In the following essay, I would argue the benefits and drawbacks of
allowance
Correct article usage
the allowance
show examples
 system and state that I would agree with the idea that children get small change.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it allows kids to think deeply about what they need and leads to be a wise consumer in the future. Most of the children have poor judgment;
therefore
Linking Words
, they demand everything they want
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their parents.
However
Linking Words
, there is a limit to spend and have to decide for themselves whether they should buy the object or not.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the ability to manage their own finances will grow.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they will know how to spend their fortune properly even when they grow up.
Second
Linking Words
 of all,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, there might be a disadvantage with the problem with the gap between other friends. If there is a big difference in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of allowance kids receive,
this
Linking Words
 may prevent them from following the trends among friends.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to bullying in the worst case.
However
Linking Words
, if the child is a true friend, he or she can lend it and have fun together even if the child doesn’t have the trendy goods. To sum up, the drawback of a small change system is not a big issue. In my conclusion, while there is a little concern, the beneficial impact on
persons’
Correct article usage
a persons’
show examples
 life is larger.
Thus
Linking Words
, I agree with the allowance system.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: