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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries, children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

#countries #children #kinds #work #people #responsibility
There is a controversial argument about the participation of
children
 in
paid
Add an article
a paid
show examples
 job. For me, the job that
children
 did will give them experience and make them ready for working life as long as they are happy and voluntary to do. It is not right to say that allowing
children
 to
work
 is wrong. A lot of people are misunderstanding it with
child
labour
.
Child
labour
 which is
mostly
Replace the word
most
show examples
 cruel and illegal is defined as
work
 that deprives
children
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their childhood, their potential, and their dignity. By
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 I mean that if
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
 or related person force
juvenile
Correct article usage
a juvenile
show examples
 to
work
, it would be called
child
 exploitation.
Also
, if kids desire to
work
 themselves and are not properly supported by family, that will be deprivation.
Therefore
, whether or not it is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
child
labour
 should be mainly identified by adolescent's willingness. Allowing teenagers to
work
 on what they want might give them several benefits. As we all know, plenty of skills that are important in working life are not taught or even mentioned in a school.
For instance
, youth who
work
 as
waiter
Add an article
a waiter
show examples
 may have more customer service skills than the one who doesn't. In some cases,
childrean
Correct your spelling
children
work
 to gain money for their tuition as their family cannot afford it.
Consequently
, doing jobs will make the young advantageous when they grow up. To conclude, forcing
children
 to
work
 or
child
labour
 is absolutely wrong.
On the other hand
,
juvenile
Add an article
the juvenile
a juvenile
show examples
 will get enjoyment and necessary skills, if they are willing to do.
Submitted by inw.writing9 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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