In many countries, children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

There is a controversial argument about the participation of
children
in
paid
Add an article
a paid

The noun phrase paid job seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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job. For me, the job that
children
did will give them experience and make them ready for working life as long as they are happy and voluntary to do. It is not right to say that allowing
children
to
work
is wrong. A lot of people are misunderstanding it with
child
labour
.
Child
labour
which is
mostly
Replace the word
most

The word mostly doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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cruel and illegal is defined as
work
that deprives
children
from
Change the preposition
of

The preposition from after the verb deprives may be incorrect. Consider changing it to another preposition.

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their childhood, their potential, and their dignity. By
this
Add a comma
,this

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase By this. Consider adding a comma.

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I mean that if
employer
Add an article
the employer
an employer

The noun phrase employer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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or related person force
juvenile
Correct article usage
a juvenile

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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to
work
, it would be called
child
exploitation.
Also
, if kids desire to
work
themselves and are not properly supported by family, that will be deprivation.
Therefore
, whether or not it is
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun labour in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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child
labour
should be mainly identified by adolescent's willingness. Allowing teenagers to
work
on what they want might give them several benefits. As we all know, plenty of skills that are important in working life are not taught or even mentioned in a school.
For instance
, youth who
work
as
waiter
Add an article
a waiter

The noun phrase waiter seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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may have more customer service skills than the one who doesn't. In some cases,
childrean
Correct your spelling
children

The word childrean is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

work
to gain money for their tuition as their family cannot afford it.
Consequently
, doing jobs will make the young advantageous when they grow up. To conclude, forcing
children
to
work
or
child
labour
is absolutely wrong.
On the other hand
,
juvenile
Add an article
the juvenile
a juvenile

The noun phrase juvenile seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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will get enjoyment and necessary skills, if they are willing to do.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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