IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, children are engaged in different kinds of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

#countries #children #kinds #work #people #responsibility
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There is a controversial argument about the participation of
children
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 in
paid
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a paid
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 job. For me, the job that
children
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 did will give them experience and make them ready for working life as long as they are happy and voluntary to do. It is not right to say that allowing
children
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 to
work
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 is wrong. A lot of people are misunderstanding it with
child
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labour
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.
Child
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labour
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 which is
mostly
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most
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 cruel and illegal is defined as
work
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 that deprives
children
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from
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of
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 their childhood, their potential, and their dignity. By
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
,this
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 I mean that if
employer
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the employer
an employer
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 or related person force
juvenile
Correct article usage
a juvenile
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 to
work
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, it would be called
child
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 exploitation.
Also
Linking Words
, if kids desire to
work
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 themselves and are not properly supported by family, that will be deprivation.
Therefore
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, whether or not it is
a
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apply
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child
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labour
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 should be mainly identified by adolescent's willingness. Allowing teenagers to
work
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 on what they want might give them several benefits. As we all know, plenty of skills that are important in working life are not taught or even mentioned in a school.
For instance
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, youth who
work
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 as
waiter
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a waiter
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 may have more customer service skills than the one who doesn't. In some cases,
childrean
Correct your spelling
children
work
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 to gain money for their tuition as their family cannot afford it.
Consequently
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, doing jobs will make the young advantageous when they grow up. To conclude, forcing
children
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 to
work
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 or
child
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labour
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 is absolutely wrong.
On the other hand
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,
juvenile
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the juvenile
a juvenile
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 will get enjoyment and necessary skills, if they are willing to do.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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