IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lo of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? Give reason for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience – Write at least 250 words.

#people #life #money #reason #answers
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Many
people
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 opine the idea that
money
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 alone can bring
happiness
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 to one’s life. They believe that there are plenty
other
Change preposition
of other
show examples
 sources of
happiness
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 along with
money
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. Let us discuss how being rich can make
people
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 happy and other factors that contribute to
happiness
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. One of the main benefits of being wealthy is that it increases one’s confidence level.
People
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 who are prosperous are less fearful about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
market crashes, uncertain inflation or sudden job loss. Not only they are self-confident but
also
Linking Words
, they provide confidence to others involved in their business transactions.
For instance
Linking Words
, a wealthy investor will show no restraint in working with a CEO of a company
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 has been financially stable and has
continuous
Correct article usage
a continuous
show examples
 return on investment. Other reasons how wealth makes one feel happy is it increases the standard of living. Rich
people
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 tend to live in a porch environment and
also
Linking Words
 have a professional outlook which makes them feel comfortable and happy.
Although
Linking Words
money
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 can bring
happiness
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, there are
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of other sources of
happiness
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. To cite an example, it is said that
money
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 can buy medicine but not health. So, if one is physically and mentally fit,
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 can lead a stable and
contended
Correct your spelling
contented
show examples
 life.
Also
Linking Words
, strong relationships with friends, family members and colleagues provide the support required during difficult times. I would like to recall when I was ill
last
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 month and hospitalized, many
people
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 whom I knew personally had sent me
get
Add the particle
to get
show examples
 well soon messages and wished for my speedy recovery. They sent me flowers and beautiful cards which made me feel wanted and pleasurable. I was immediately discharged from the hospital. To sum up, I believe that not only
money
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 is needed to bring joy in life but
also
Linking Words
 health and relationships play a major role!
Submitted by rajdawda07 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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