IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for elderly ones. Do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #accidents #age #limit #drivers #ones
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people hold the opinion that road accidents could be reduced by increasing the
age
 limit for young drivers and decreasing the
age
 limit for old drivers
however
 others who disagree with
this
 opinion would prefer stringent driving rules and regulation changes to avoid
such
 incidents. Voices who are not in favour of changing the upper and lower
age
 limits for driving would prefer other alternative methods to combat the situation of a traffic-related mishap.
In particular
, introducing a harder driving test that ensures that the student is required to score a hundred per cent on all the varying parameters would encourage them to practice
further
 and gain more experience before appearing for the final test.
In addition
, the student learning permit should include additional restrictions and tracking to make sure that they are abiding by all the rules and regulations.
For instance
, it has been observed that most road incidents primarily occur
due to
 negligent and reckless driving, driving under the influence of alcohol,
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
speeding or using cell phones
while
 driving
such
 situations should be avoided by introducing strict rules and all traffic offenders licence should be cancelled on the spot and strict monetary fines should be imposed to overcome
this
 problem. On the other side, I agree with the opinion that re-introducing the lower and upper limits for driving
license
Fix the agreement mistake
licenses
show examples
 could help potentially to reduce the number of traffic accidents. Learning permits for students should be extended for another couple of years which may allow young drivers to drive under the vigilance of an adult and
furthermore
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the chances of fatal road incidents.
Moreover
, sometimes elderly people happen to face a plethora of health issues
such
 as dementia which may lead to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
response times in a critical position where a sudden break is required to avoid a potential accident
therefore
 it is necessary to put a cap on the upper old
age
 limit to mitigate a hazardous situation.
For example
, it was recently published in the news that a famous elderly personality, who is around ninety years was involved in an accident so
such
 situations can be avoided with the introduction of a new upper
age
 ceiling.
To sum up
, introducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
upper and lower
age
 limits for driving and strict laws against traffic offenders would help to curb the grim situation of traffic-related accidents and save many innocent lives.
Submitted by anshika11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents arguments both for and against the idea of changing the age limits for driving licenses. However, more emphasis could be placed on why some people prefer the alternative methods suggested to reduce traffic accidents.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the discussion effectively. There is a clear structure in the essay, with each paragraph flowing logically into the next. However, ensure that each paragraph starts with a topic sentence that clearly introduces the main idea of the paragraph.
task response
Introduces arguments for and against changing age limits for driving licenses
coherence and cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: