IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think that fresh water supply should be controlled strictly by governments as the sources are limited. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The Earth is ninety per cent surrounded by
water
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, still, only one-fourth of it can be used for human consumption. For years, there has been an ongoing debate between people who believe
this
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 limited supply of fresh
water
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 should be managed by the authorities
while
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 others argue that the use of
such
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 natural
resource
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resources
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 should be not restricted. In
this
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 essay,we will consider both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aspects and
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finally
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finally,
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 I will present my opinion.
Firstly
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, considering freshwater as a natural resource it can be said that every human has an equal right to utilize it as per his requirement.
Moreover
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, the control totally given to the authorities may lead to some corrupt practices.
For instance
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, The officials in Assam, a state in India were suspended for supplying fresh
water
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 to various soft drink companies for profit. There have been
also
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 cases where rich metropolitan are supplied more freshwater than their neighbouring villages.
On the other hand
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, though it is argued that natural resources should be free, it definitely needs to be managed especially when it is scarce.
Controlled
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A controlled
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water
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 supply will
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 people from misusing it,
aslo
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also
this
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 unused
water
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 can be supplied to countries with poverty and lack
water
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 reservoirs.
For example
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, thousands of families face
water
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shortage
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shortages
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 in northern Africa
due to
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 the climatic conditions and millions of deaths
due to
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 a shortage of basic human needs. Speaking about corruption, it is unavoidable in any country for that matter. The governing boards should improve their anti-corruption bureau
for avoiding
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to avoid
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 corruption scams by some authorities. In Conclusion, I would agree that important and basic
resource
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resources
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such
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 as freshwater should be controlled by the governments so that they can provide
other
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for other
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 poor nations
as well as
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 educate their own people to use
it
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them
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 wisely.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. This could improve the reader's understanding of your argument's structure.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, strive for clearer transitions between sentences and ideas to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more examples or evidence to support your points. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Conclude with a more definitive statement that clearly encapsulates your opinion, rather than just stating that you agree.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents a balanced discussion, which is a strong aspect of the task response.
task achievement
Good use of real-world examples to illustrate points, such as the situation in Assam and water shortages in northern Africa, which helps to ground your arguments.
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