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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age
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the issue of whether
people
Use synonyms
 are permitted
working
Change the verb form
to work
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 to any age they like has been raising a lot of debates. Some might say that
this
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 has many detrimental effects when the old still continue working
such
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 as their health, unproductive and so on.
On the contrary
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, others insist on the opinion that citizens can do their job for a long time as long as they want, it can bring them money to pay for their lives. Viewing from a general perspective, I personally agree with the former opinion for the following reasons.
to begin
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 with, ageing makes inhabitants decline their sagacity rapidly and it leads to a lot of risks in their job rather than when they were young.
Firstly
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, their health can not allow them to keep working when they get older because they will get some disease
such
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 as memory loss, diabetes which can destroy themself if they do not care for it.
For example
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, a human who is over 60 years old very easily gets sick like diabetes or heart attack, they should give time for preventing their body from these diseases by usually doing exercise like yoga or walking
instead
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 of continuing working.
Secondly
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,the strength and agility of the old
people
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 less than the younger so that they can not be
protective
Replace the word
protected
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 and sometimes they will make a mistake that affects their companies.
For instance
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,
people
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 are still doing their job until they are 80 years old, at
this
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 age, a human is no longer agile and elite to finish anything well, they just do
one half
Add a hyphen
one-half
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work
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 compared to the young
then
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 it makes their companies affected and unproductive .
Finally
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, if the government give the old person the right to
work
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 until they want to stop will bring a damaging to the economy because of ageing make them can no do anything fastly and perfectly
like
Replace the word
as
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 the young generation
on the other hand
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, some of the population think that senior citizens can
work
Use synonyms
 diligently and carefully,
besides
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 they will have more experience in their major which can substantially help them to give advice for the development of the companies.
moreover
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, they are still working while they can make their own money which pays for their living costs and they do not need to depend on anyone else.
However
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, after long years working in the office, the elder
need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to give themself
a
Correct article usage
apply
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time for relaxing and enjoying life. In conclusion, there are many disadvantages when
people
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 keep working when they get older like they do not have enough sagacity to complete their labour,
work
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 effectively and so one,
this
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is outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
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 the advantages
Submitted by nguyenhoangbaochau870 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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