Computer games are very popular in all age groups and nationalities. Parents think it has little educational value and harmful effects. What is your opinion about this? Give examples based on your own experience

Nowadays, digital
games
are famous among people all over the world.
Specially
Replace the word
Especially
show examples
, children are obsessed with computer
games
which have become a serious concern among parents. They think
this
has no value in education, as well as it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
them. I am a strong advocate of
this
viewpoint and shed some light on
this
topic.
To begin
with, these video entertainments bring little educational value. The addictive nature of these amusements does not inculcate any cognitive skills in the youth.
Actually
Add a comma
,Actually
show examples
this
habit devastates those competencies. Oftentimes, these
games
could cloud the judgment of the young, and make their rational thinking unstable.
For instance
, studies reveal that children who play more video
games
perform poorly at school.
On the other hand
,
this
gaming habit has many adverse impacts which lead to behavioural and physical disorders. Sitting in front of a computer screen for a longer period of time deteriorates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eyesight.
Nevertheless
, juveniles who play aggressive
games
frequently, later develop violent behaviours.
A research
Correct article usage
Research
show examples
conducted in the UK shows that almost all convicted prisoners have played plenty of video
games
during their childhood. On top of that, youths, who have played too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
games
, have a greater tendency towards obesity, as they have no or little time for outdoor activities or playing with friends. In conclusion, I am convinced that even these
games
are
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
among the young, it has no positive impacts on education. Of cause, it has many adverse health consequences.
Submitted by rohana.cmp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: