IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in TV, video games, and other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think this problem can be tackled?

#parents #level #violence #tv #video #games #entertainment #children’s #leisure #affect #children
Of late, social television has become a big part of youth's lives and violence are increasing day by day through TV programmes, videos and other sites which is a matter of grave concern for some mothers. I condemn that a few checks and balances can improve the situation. Apparently, watching the fun on the screen is entertainment for most of the youngsters in their free time not only improve their concentration but
also
 provide relief them from monotony routine.
Moreover
, violence in news will affect negatively adolescent minds and they could turn into worse personality. To elaborate, if a toddler watch murder, theft, vulgarity on TV or the Internet
then
 he would do the same as he sees and could be a murder or a crime. It could destroy his entire life and cause sleep disorder, stress and anxiety many more problems could be occurred after watching
this
 type of programmes on the screen.
On the other hand
, children would not be able to spend time with their father and time for themselves which in turn they would be an addict to video games and other publishing.
For example
, continuing to stay glued to technology would harm their health and young minds would not able to connect their feelings with others.
Moreover
, father and teachers need to set an example in front of their adolescents, awareness about social television among Juveniles and encouraging them to achieve success in their life could improve the mind of children. Succinctly, though parents, teachers and government could handle
this
 situation to provide a good source for youth yet work under surveillance would be helping youngsters to get rid negative programs.
Submitted by Komal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: