IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays some countries encourage people to buy more and more products, which is good for economy. While others believe it is bad for the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In contemporary society, there is a controversial debate
around
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about
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 whether it is profitable or detrimental to a country when the government promotes the consumption of goods. Some people believe that boosting consumption can be beneficial to the economy,
while
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 others including me claim that it will eventually harm society. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides with examples. On the one hand, there is no doubt that an increasing amount of buying products can help with an economic boost. Advocates of consumerism state that, the government’s encouragement of consumption can drive up the aggregate demand and supply increases in GDP.
For instance
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, the lower interest rate of the Central Bank leads to citizens feel more confident to take out a mortgage on a house during the economic downturn.
Besides
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 that, the authority issues
taxes rebate
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tax rebates
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 so that car owners can switch their old vehicles for newly fuel-efficient cars at a discounted price.
On the other hand
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, critics of consumerism against that excessive spending
bring
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brings
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disadvantages to the community.
This
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 is because over-consumption habits result in fewer savings and higher risk whenever an emergency happens. Taking the
Covid-19
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COVID-19
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 epidemic in Australia as an example, there
is
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are
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numerous retailers in Melbourne who get stuck in a risky financial position because they have spent most of their incomes in advance
while
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no
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having no
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 income during the lockdown. Adding to the problem, a large number of Australians have loans to be paid when they have already struggled to support themselves.
As a result
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,
this
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 phenomenon is harmful to social stability. In conclusion, even though consumerism is advantageous to promote the economy in a country, I believe it is undeniable that there are
also
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 drawbacks to our society.

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task achievement
Ensure that your opinions are clearly articulated throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion. Providing a brief summary of the key points in the conclusion can strengthen your final argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, consider using more cohesive devices to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will make your argument easier to follow for the reader.
task achievement
You may benefit from providing more diverse examples or discussing a wider range of consequences of consumerism to show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Your use of examples to support your points, such as the reference to the Covid-19 situation in Australia, strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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