IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

we should introduce law to make business and state services employ equal numbers of male and female worker in every department or area of the company. How far do you agree this idea? give reasons for your answer, and support your essay with ideas and examples from your own experience.

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creating a
law
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 for gender equality in business and state services is an amazing idea. there should be equal opportunities for both man and woman.,I
also
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 support the idea of making
law
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. starting with,The enforcement of
this
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law
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 in the private and government sector can set an example for the growth of both as an individual person and the
company
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's growth too.For instants, if we allocate the same number for
men
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 and
women
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 in the same
company
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then
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 it will definitely help the
company
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 to make progress as nowadays
women
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 are
also
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 equally qualified for top positions but they just need a chance to prove themselves to society and the professional world.
On the other hand
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 , many jobs have a specific requirement where a person has to lift heavy weight or more physical kind of work whereas the job required more caring kind of person, so at that time we the
company
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 or the business can not maintain the equality
law
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.
For example
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,at the construction site mostly handled by
men
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,while in the child care centre they required more
women
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 to provide care to children. To conclude,its is good to provide equal opportunities to
men
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 and
women
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 but some job can not be done by
men
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 while other can not be done ,
women
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • diversity
  • inclusive
  • decision-making
  • problem-solving
  • role models
  • inspiration
  • unconscious biases
  • company reputation
  • stereotypes
  • innovation
  • creativity
  • motivation
  • satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: