IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

when new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks or sports facilities than shopping centres for people to spend their free time. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

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In recent years, due to
innovation
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,innovation
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 many new approaches are taken into account. It is believed, that whenever there is
new
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a new
the new
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 development of cities or towns it is essential to build more public
parks
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 or to bring more amenities regarding
sport
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 rather than building shopping malls. In my notion,
government
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the government
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 should construct new towns including public
parks
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 and
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sport
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sports
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facilities
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. Town planners should give preferences to
parks
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, gardens or sports.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, when there is
planning
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the planning
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 of building new city
than
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then
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parks
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 and sports should be there because by having public
parks
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people
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 can spend their leisure time with their loved ones.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they get fresh air since it is less polluted.
However
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, by constructing new
parks
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people
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 come together and can communicate with each other which will enhance social gathering.
Moreover
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, there will be
utilization
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the utilization
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 of phone. According to
recent
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a recent
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 report, it was stated that adolescents are more involved in social media platforms and they do not get out of it which results
into
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in
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health
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a health
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 issue.
Therefore
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, more public
parks
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 should be encouraged.
Secondly
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, having
sport
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facilities
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people
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 can do daily exercise and they can keep their body fit and healthy.
In addition
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,
people
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 can do swimming and jogging when the facility is available. A
sport
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 is played in
group
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the group
a group
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 so there will be more interaction with
people
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 and
this
Linking Words
 will increase the bond between them.
Nevertheless
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, by having
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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facilities
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 adults or children will come out from home.
Consequently
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, it reduces the usage of phone and watching television.
Finally
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,
by
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apply
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planning to have these
facilities
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 can generate revenue. Not only it is beneficial to
people
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 but
also
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 to the government. In spite of the fact that by constructing big ground which involved all sports
facilities
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 can generate income because many games can be played in future in that city.
By contrast
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, shopping malls are not needed since online purchase is tremendously increasing. To summarize, I reiterate that while planning to construct new towns planners should build more public
parks
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 or
sport
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facilities
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 as it will generate more revenue and make relation closer.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public parks
  • sports facilities
  • shopping centres
  • free time
  • healthy lifestyle
  • social interaction
  • community hubs
  • mental health
  • leisure activities
  • economic activity
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • aesthetic value
  • environmental benefits
  • biodiversity
  • pollution
  • traffic congestion
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