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Band 5

Society is becoming obsessed with material goods like fast cars, designer clothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about the important things that is why divorce rates are so high and family bonds are not as strong anymore; our value system is disintegrating. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#society #goods #cars #designer #clothes #jewellery #divorce #rates #bonds #value #system
Undoubtedly, modernization has made
people
 materialistic as they are more attracted towards luxury items
instead
 of personal relations which has enlarged the differences in social relations and resulted
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 disharmony of society. I completely agree with
this
 statement and will discuss why in
this
 essay.
Primary
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The primary
show examples
 reason
of
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for
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loosening
Correct article usage
the loosening
show examples
 of family bonds is
Correct your spelling
extensive
expensive
extensiove
Correct article usage
the extensiove
show examples
 use of social media. Individuals, these days, spend most of their time on social apps
such
 as Facebook, Instagram and Whatsapp where they make fake profiles for impressing others; because of
this
,
people
 try to
nteract
Correct your spelling
interact
 with the strangers having attractive portfolios and ignore their own real friends and family members.
This
 is the main reason
of
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for
show examples
 divorces as the couples get allured towards
people
 who pretend to be good online but are something else in
actual
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actuality
show examples
.
Also
, everyone wants to capture
attention
Add an article
the attention
show examples
 of others on social platforms and in order to achieve
this
 objective, individuals like flaunting their goods
such
 as cars, clothes, jewellery, shoes and mobile phones so as to receive recognition from their peers. Greed for money is the secondary reason
of
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for
show examples
people
 becoming selfish and apathetic. In
this
 era, everybody wants to become rich and for
this
 purpose, they choose to move away from their homes to metro cities for earning handsome amount.
Consequently
, they not only ignore their family members but
also
 get
detatched
Correct your spelling
detached
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 their traditional and cultural values which
creates
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create
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 a considerable gap among personal relationships. To conclude,
fake
Add an article
the fake
show examples
 image on social platforms, show off of personal belongings and craving
of
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for
show examples
 wealth has made community members more attracted towards things and has resulted
into
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in
show examples
 weak family bonds and degradation of
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 values.
Submitted by kamaljeet9592396471 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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