IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
Nowadays in our society, some
children
 have
obligation
Add an article
an obligation
show examples
 only with studies, but
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 have to divide the time in study and
work
, maybe to help the family with the budget of the house. Some people believe
that is
 not correct a child makes effort to
work
, but another part of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 is in accord with the idea that
work
 is
reward
Correct article usage
a reward
show examples
 and can help. In
this
 essay, I will examine those reasons, as well as give my own opinion. All
children
 should be protected and taken care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 parents and society, as well as, they should be incentivized to learn and nourished, in the end, parents are responsible for the well-being of their kids. The reason why some people do not agree that
children
 could have a paid
work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is because sometimes the
work
 can be damage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood. They believe
children
 should only play and study, without more responsibilities in their lives. Undoubtedly, that no
children
 must be exposed a forced
work
 with hazards their health or integrality,
consequently
 the rights of
children
 must be respected. But
on the other hand
, the
work
 can be pleasured to
children
 if it made according to needs and specific ages. When
children
work
 in a paid job, they learn about responsibilities, the value of the money and they can be stimulated to think
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 social issues of the world. These benefits help the child grows up and becomes an adult more aware and sensible with real problems.
For instance
, one of the big reasons to have many adults involved in debits, to make end meet is because they do not knowledge about the real value of the money, which could
be learn
Change the verb form
be learned
be learning
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood.
Hence
, I agree with the idea that healthy paid
work
 can be efficacy for
children
. In conclusion, not overtaking the rights and benefits, kids should be motivated to
work
 to learn more about financial education, for them to put into practice in the future.
Submitted by larissafelipin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: