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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

#people #employment #jobs
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In these recent
years
Add a comma
,years
show examples
 unemployment is one of the most common issues the world is facing now. Youngsters and elderly
people
Use synonyms
 with regards to job hunting are having problems in terms of their skills, length of practise or experience, educational attainment and capabilities.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
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 of these problems were; poverty, lack of interest
on
Change preposition
in
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 education, low
economics
Replace the word
economic
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 status, early marriage and etc. So, competition is rampant in applying for the same work for older
people
Use synonyms
 with younger
people
Use synonyms
 because
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
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 my view, some of those
old-timer
Change to a plural noun
old-timers
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 has lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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exposure to modern technologies, some have their health issues, and some have
limititions
Correct your spelling
limitations
 in terms of workloads. While those young persons are equipped in handling high-tech machines,eager to learn, can easily adapt
new
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to new
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 environment and can work extended long hours of work shifts.
Hence
Linking Words
, some of the solutions might be;
firstly
Linking Words
,
government
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the government
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 can commence livelihood program for elderly
people
Use synonyms
 who are facing
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
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 of problems in order to alleviate financial constraints. And,
lastly
Linking Words
, the Local Government Unit can communicate with some of the company to hire oldies and give less responsibility just like in SM Malls in the Philippines. In summary, age
does’nt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 matter in terms
to
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of
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job
Add an article
the job
a job
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. We have just our own strengths,capabilities,determinations and weaknesses. Whatever age group we belong
,we
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to,we
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 have our own spot, either old or young.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intergenerational competition
  • Age discrimination
  • Adaptability
  • Hiring practices
  • Workforce diversity
  • Upskilling
  • Lifelong learning
  • Flexible working arrangements
  • Ageism
  • Technological proficiency
  • Productivity concerns
  • Diverse skillsets
  • Legislative protection
  • Employment equity
  • Biases
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