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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Computer games are becoming popular nowadays. What are the advantages and disadvantages of video games?

#computer #games #video
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The fame of
computer
Use synonyms
games
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 has been spread all over the globe
that
Correct word choice
and
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 has raised
also
Linking Words
 the number of
players
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 involved in them. The availability of being in the epicentre of actions increases the gamers’ ability to make decisions in stressful conditions,
although
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 spending too much time in virtual reality occasionally can blur the borders between genuine and fictional worlds. The crucial advantage which
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computer
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players
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 have over the ones who are not interested in
computer
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 activities is the speed of making decisions of critical importance and
this
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 is a good training tool for real-world situations. As the majority of
computer
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games
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 have a definite objective and certain rules and restrictions are involved,
Linking Words
therefore
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apply
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these rules and restrictions frequently force
players
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 to solve a problem and think about alternative routes or moves. Playing
video
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games
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 means that
players
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 have to think on their feet
taking
Correct your spelling
making
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 split-second decisions that can make or break a
game
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 so it forces the brain to come up with creative solutions to problems improving logical thinking skills and developing imagination.
According to
Linking Words
 the research conducted by
Entertainment
Correct article usage
the Entertainment
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 Software Association, gamers who spend time daily with fast-paced
games
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 can react to questions or situations up to 25% faster. The biggest negative effect of playing
computer
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games
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 is that in the case of some
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it leads to a change in
behaviour
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 of a person, particularly raising the tendency towards displaying violent
behaviour
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. Many
video
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games
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 are built on the premise of engaging in reckless or criminal
behaviour
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,
such
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 as kicking, stabbing, fast driving or theft. Vengeance, aggression or violence is rewarded with victory points. Children who are exposed to these
games
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 from an early age show a tendency to act out similar scenarios in real life as they may feel that the same
behaviour
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 is acceptable in the real world as well.
For example
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, in New York, on June 26, 2008, a group of teenagers, motivated by the
video
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game
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 Grand Theft Auto IV violently mugged a man in a grocery store and
smash
Wrong verb form
smashed
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 a van using one of the baseball bats they had brought to the crime scene.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
video
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games
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 can improve the strategic thinking
decision-making
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and decision-making
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 process, gamers should remember that they ought to win only one particular
game
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, the
game
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 of life.
Submitted by davit.khudaverdyan.96 on

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task response
The essay addresses the advantages and disadvantages of video games effectively, but it could be more balanced in discussing both sides. Make sure to present a clear position and provide more specific examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear and easy to follow, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, the coherence and cohesion could be improved by using more transition words and phrases to connect ideas and create a stronger flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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