IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

#parents #children #toys #child
Nowadays the majority of young boys and girls possess
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge variety of
toys
 which are bought by their caring parents. The purpose of
this
 essay is to scrutinize feasible positive and negative factors of
this
 occasion.
To begin
 with, modern children are quite fortunate to live in the world of
wide
Correct article usage
a wide
show examples
 abundance of goods. For that reason, youngsters
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any age or gender are able to play with lush or interactive
toys
, developing their skills and creativity. Another positive factor of having a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
toys
 might consider the fact that children do not get tired while
combine
Change the verb form
combining
show examples
 their playing activity with a diversity of games within a day.
On the other hand
, it should
also
 be noted about some disadvantages of a huge number of
toys
 at home.
Firstly
, and
this
 could be crucial, that the certain amount of parents try to distract their offsprings by buying them another new toy.
In other words
, adults do not have a desire to be involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
ubringing
Correct your spelling
bringing
upbringing
 their children mainly because of the lack of time. Another drawback is that some
toys
,
for instance
, Barbie doll or table games might not be interesting to play without a company. Full boxes of playing things would
therefore
 be just standing at the corner and the child would feel sadness and boredom. In conclusion, in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I have attempted to review concisely the pros and cons of
modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
show examples
 young generation who have a great variety of
toys
 and games. Even though the game with
toys
 is definitely the vital element of
child’s
Correct article usage
a child’s
show examples
 development there are obvious negative factors of
toys
’ abundance, particularly the lack of parents’ attention.
Submitted by mila.kniaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: