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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists, other people believes that it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #traditions #machines #tourists #world
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It is argued by some that
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
heritages
 will be damaged essentially when aimed at making a profit from
tourists
, while others hold a perspective that human beings’ many cultural
traditions
 can be protected and
reserved
Correct your spelling
preserved
show examples
 only through
commercialization
. I would
content
Correct your spelling
contend
show examples
 that both views are reasonable but one-sided. It is understandable that many people insist that cultural
traditions
 can benefits from
commercialization
, after all,
this
 might bring an area or a government much more money, which will be beneficial to not only the development of an area’s economy but
also
 the protection of cultural
traditions
. Precisely, when a government is conducting a cultural programme, the place under its administration will be packed with an increasing number of
tourists
. The fact that these people go about their daily business, leisure and recreational activities,
such
 as shopping, diet and so on, would increase relevant institutions’ incomes, including hotels, restaurants and so forth, and
therefore
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the government’s revenue. With adequate money, a richer authority can contribute more to the protection and spread of cultural conventions.
Nevertheless
,
commercialization
 can
also
 cause some negative impacts on our cultural
traditions
. The excessive purpose of money-making may force some cultural
heritages
 to lose their own nature. It is not rare to see on
daily
Add an article
a daily
show examples
 basis that some scenic spots carry out cultural activities for the reservation of some folk arts,
such
 as folk dances ritual activities and folk music, but really for making a profit. In general, after visiting or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, many
tourists
 only buy a variety of souvenirs
instead
 of getting
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
 understanding of the historical background and forms of the traditional arts. It seems that attaching cultural
traditions
 with
commercialization
 cannot necessarily increase the public’s knowledge about these
traditions
 themselves. In my opinion, even though some negative results might be led by people’s main purpose of utilizing cultural
traditions
 to earn money, considering the fact that those invaluable
heritages
 are getting extinct and those needs to be preserved, it is not an offence to get some earnings from the
tourists
 who are enthusiastic to learn about the cultural aspects. But
commercialization
 should not be seen as
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
 access to the reservation of the
heritages
 since some cultural conventions can be encouraged by education and public promotion.
Submitted by sjf199447 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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