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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists, other people believes that it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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It is argued by some that
culture
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cultural
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heritages
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 will be damaged essentially when aimed at making a profit from
tourists
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, while others hold a perspective that human beings’ many cultural
traditions
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 can be protected and
reserved
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preserved
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 only through
commercialization
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. I would
content
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contend
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 that both views are reasonable but one-sided. It is understandable that many people insist that cultural
traditions
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 can benefits from
commercialization
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, after all,
this
Linking Words
 might bring an area or a government much more money, which will be beneficial to not only the development of an area’s economy but
also
Linking Words
 the protection of cultural
traditions
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. Precisely, when a government is conducting a cultural programme, the place under its administration will be packed with an increasing number of
tourists
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. The fact that these people go about their daily business, leisure and recreational activities,
such
Linking Words
 as shopping, diet and so on, would increase relevant institutions’ incomes, including hotels, restaurants and so forth, and
therefore
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rise
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raise
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 the government’s revenue. With adequate money, a richer authority can contribute more to the protection and spread of cultural conventions.
Nevertheless
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,
commercialization
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 can
also
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 cause some negative impacts on our cultural
traditions
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. The excessive purpose of money-making may force some cultural
heritages
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 to lose their own nature. It is not rare to see on
daily
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a daily
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 basis that some scenic spots carry out cultural activities for the reservation of some folk arts,
such
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 as folk dances ritual activities and folk music, but really for making a profit. In general, after visiting or
traveling
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travelling
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, many
tourists
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 only buy a variety of souvenirs
instead
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 of getting
deeper
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a deeper
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 understanding of the historical background and forms of the traditional arts. It seems that attaching cultural
traditions
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 with
commercialization
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 cannot necessarily increase the public’s knowledge about these
traditions
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 themselves. In my opinion, even though some negative results might be led by people’s main purpose of utilizing cultural
traditions
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 to earn money, considering the fact that those invaluable
heritages
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 are getting extinct and those needs to be preserved, it is not an offence to get some earnings from the
tourists
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 who are enthusiastic to learn about the cultural aspects. But
commercialization
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 should not be seen as
only
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the only
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 access to the reservation of the
heritages
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 since some cultural conventions can be encouraged by education and public promotion.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural commodification
  • Authenticity
  • Economic gain
  • Cultural significance
  • Preservation
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Financial resources
  • Cultural heritage
  • Cultural pride
  • Tourist interest
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