IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they were younger. Is it a positive or negative development in your own opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

#people #birth #thirties #development #support
The life patterns of modern mankind have changed compared to a few decades back,
for instance
, lifetime priorities
such
 as marriage and raising kids have
pushed
Add a missing verb
been pushed
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 to
thirties
 in most cases. In my opinion,
this
 is a positive development which has several advantages considering the current lifestyle of people.
This
 essay focuses on evaluating the pros and cons of the said development.
To begin
 with the positive side, people are more mature to take big responsibilities when they
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 to
thirties
.
For instance
, a study conducted by the University of West London indicates in relation to the divorce rates indicated that 35% of couples who were married
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their 20 have divorced and
subsequently
 it shows that the divorce rates are only 10% of the people who were married
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
thirties
.
In addition
, a couple would
financially
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be financially
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 capable
to handle
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of handling
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 the cost of a baby in their middle age most of the
times
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time
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, raising a kid is an expensive task in any part of the world today.
Finally
,
this
 trend is enabling youngsters to enjoy their life
while
 focusing on their career progression, achieving financial stability is very crucial
in
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at
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 young age to ensure smoother running
in
Change preposition
for
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rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of
the
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their
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 lifespan in today's competitive world.
On the other hand
, giving birth to a child in the
thirties
 may have certain drawbacks
such
 as women's capability to handle the pressure of childbirth and kids may end up with more elderly parents when they grow up.
However
, the mentioned concerns
also
 could be mitigated by sticking to a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, delaying important decisions
such
 as marriage and giving birth
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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middle age have several advantages which are capable of
outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweigh
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 the disadvantages.
Submitted by harshanab on

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task response
Make sure to provide a more balanced discussion by addressing potential counterarguments or opposing views.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Try to improve coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
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