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Band 4

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
Nowadays, in many countries, there are
lots
 of
people
, who are highly qualified but they do not have a job. I think that one of the biggest factors that
has
Change the verb form
have
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 caused
this
situation
 are all the machines that are now installed in many factories.
This
 factor removed jobs to
lots
 of young
people
 that have just ended
the
Correct article usage
apply
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school, the university and got a
highly
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high
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 degree. The problem of
the
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apply
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technology is not so much a big issue because now, with its rise
of
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in
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 popularity and success in all workplaces it
is use
Change the verb form
is used
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 but in
this
field
Add a comma
,field
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 a lot of computer scientists are required. As I said before, the biggest issue that caused
this
situation
 is the installation of machines, which are able to do all
or
Correct your spelling
of
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 the biggest part of the things that a person can do. In fact, if we take as an example the weaving machine or the sewing machine, they have taken away the possibility of many women but
also
 men to work, while in the past the
situation
 was very different because
people
 weaved or sewed at their home and they did it
also
 for other
people
 from which they were paid, too. Another factor that has caused the unemployment is
also
 the fact that
lots
 of
people
,
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apply
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 when they are at the university, they chose faculties like medicine or law but all around the
world
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,world
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 there are many doctors and lawyers. So, when they make
this
 choice,
at
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in
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 the end they risk being unemployed precisely for the fact that there are
lots
 of human beings, who are doing the same job. To sum up, I believe that the
situation
 explained above is caused by the invention of
lots
 of machines and the choice that
the
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apply
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people
 do when they are at
the
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apply
show examples
university.
Submitted by silyakar on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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