IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The leaders or directors of organisations are often older people. Some people think that young people can also be good leaders. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organisations #people
People
 have various opinions about the appropriate age for being hired as a leader in companies. Some
people
 say that senior
people
 are more qualified as directors. In my opinion,
although
 young
people
 may face challenges, they can be good directors in an organization as well. On the one hand, young
people
 tend to be more open-minded than their older counterparts. That means they are more likely to take measures that are newly developed but more effective than previous routines.
As a result
, the group's efficiency and productivity can be significantly boosted.
By contrast
, elder
people
 prefer to stick to ways that they are already familiar with
instead
 of trying new solutions.
Furthermore
, young leaders are always energetic and can dedicate more effort to their jobs because they are less distracted by other affairs.
For example
, a 996 working-hour system is more practical among young
people
 because they do not need to take care of their ageing parents.
On the other hand
, directors at a younger age have their own shortcomings. One of the main disadvantages of having a young leader is that they may lack the experience and the insights to solve the problem. He or she may feel as confused as other members of the team and do not know where to start with.
Therefore
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
beginning
Add a comma
,beginning
show examples
 it may take a longer time for groups lead by youngsters to come up with a solution.
Besides
, sometimes they get emotional and may make decisions based on personal feelings rather than logic.
However
, all these demerits can be compensated by continuous learning. To summarize, leaders in their 20s or 30s may encounter certain obstacles when they lead a team, but I believe that they can overcome all the difficulties and become successful leaders, if not better, than their senior counterparts.
Submitted by 454275556 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: