IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions?

#countries #children #work #people #responsibility
Children are the most prominent part of every country. The future of a nation significantly depends on the younger generation. In some places, the youth undertake labourer
work
 from a young age whereas, in
others
Add a comma
,others
show examples
this
 practice is disregarded.
This
 essay discusses both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views followed by an opinion.
To begin
 with, in developing countries
usually
Add a comma
,usually
show examples
 the public is not financially stable.
Therefore
, to help their parents, the kids
also
 do some
work
.
Moreover
, they become independent and are exposed to the practical working environment.
Consequently
, they learn better social skills and acclimatize themselves
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 being mature.
In addition
 to that, students can apply their learnings on the job they do and familiarize themselves completely
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 every aspect.
On the contrary
, sometimes, teenagers start spending
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of their time on the
work
 they do with an intention of earning
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of money.
Nevertheless
, studies are more important than working during high school.
Additionally
, in some states, toddlers are forced to do
work
 of dangerous nature.
This
 negatively
Replace the word
affects
show examples
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 their mental growth. In my opinion, a balanced approach should be adopted. The infants should carry some
work
 to
such
 an extent that it does not
impacts
Change the verb form
impact
show examples
 their education. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things should go hand in hand. To conclude, parents can keep a check on their babies and guide them in a positive way as to how practical knowledge can assist in achieving an edge over others.
This
 would be beneficial for the globe as a whole in an indirect way.
Submitted by harsimrankaur2400 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: