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Band 5.5

Some people think that getting a degree from a university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #guarantee #job #work
It is debatable whether the possession of a certificate from a
university
 or going straight into work is beneficial to ensure a good occupation. From my perspective,
although
 it is believed by some that there are several drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 going straight into work, I would argue that getting a qualification from a
university
 brings advantageous effects. On the one side, people would benefit from gaining experience in order to find a decent job.
To begin
 with, they will invariably be prioritized for recruitment over those with a
university
 diploma.
In other words
, the majority of them are overestimated by the recruiters since they rarely make errors that result in financial losses for their business.
Additionally
, thanks to their prior experience, they will be able to handle these severe issues easily and effectively if they come across them
Secondly
, it is critical for the executives of the organization to gain access to diverse ideas devised by them. It is important for company leaders to get access to a diverse set of ideas.
On the other hand
, If workers own certificates from the universities, it will assist them to receive a decent job.
Firstly
, they can find some jobs demanding them
on having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 expertise.
For example
, becoming a successful doctor
necessitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
necessitates
show examples
 them having the capability to conduct
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
instead
 of clinical experiences.
Secondly
, in terms of work admission, having a
university
 diploma will give them be upper hand.
In other words
, in
this
 day and age, some companies are based on certificates of achievement from
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 to ascertain the candidate's competence. In conclusion, it is understandable why numerous individuals think that it is easy to get a good job when they get a certificate.
However
, from my perspective, there are beneficial impacts on those who have just graduated from
university
 in order to get good employment.
Submitted by letrungthanh2002 on

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and giving a personal opinion. Ensure to provide more specific and relevant examples to support the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. Improving the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas would be beneficial.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • specialized fields
  • job prospects
  • earning potential
  • formal education
  • networking opportunities
  • career advancement
  • practical skills
  • work environment
  • financial independence
  • high costs
  • skills and experience
  • formal education
  • prioritize
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