IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

All parent want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a child’s future. Discuss both the sides and give your opinion

#parent #opportunities #children #people #schools #skills #range #subjects #child’s #future
Children are
Correct your spelling
future
fututre
Correct article usage
the fututre
show examples
 of our country. It is
cruicial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 nowadays to teach kids about
skills
 whereas,
opponenets
Correct your spelling
opponents
 argue that by having
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
subjects
 is better for youngsters future. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
skills
 are
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
impotant
Correct your spelling
important
 thing where
schools
neads
Correct your spelling
needs
 to concentrate.
To begin
 with,
skills
 are
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 thing to learn in childhood as
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 can easily find what they are
capabe
Correct your spelling
capable
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 in their early stage so they can concentrate on their
skills
. To simplify, in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2005 a survey shows that the
schools
 teaching
skills
iilustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
illustrated
 more
talentes
Correct your spelling
talented
talents
 students as compare to other
schools
.
Furthermore
,
skills
 upgrade
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 and
also
 kids have so many
subjects
 these days if more
subjects
 will be added
then
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will be more headache and pressure on
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
, in
result
Add an article
a result
the result
show examples
 which will conclude to major serious issues. On the
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, some parents think that
schools
 should include
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
 of other
subjects
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their kids.
For example
,
schools
 can include extra classes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 mathematics and
also
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 moral science which will lead
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 more potential in
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
Moreover
, by adding these
subjects
 youngsters will have more values in their daily life which will lead to better future. To sum up, In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
skills
 are more important as
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of
subjects
 already in youngsters life.
Submitted by harneet692 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: