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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in businesses, hospitals, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in the future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we he more auspicious of their benefits?

#computers #businesses #hospitals #crime #detection #planes #future #dependence
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Technology has taken over the world in
this
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 new era, most of the daily
activities
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 people perform nowadays are systematized and controlled by a computer. The advantages that
computers
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has
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have
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 brought to individuals and companies are numerous.
However
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, to what extend
computers
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 will control our lives in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 near future ? What consequences we should expect if the disadvantages of its
excesive
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excessive
 use
outweight
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outweigh
 the benefits?
First
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 of
all
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,all
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 it is
neccesary
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necessary
 to highlight the huge steps humankind has been able to achieve thanks to the development of new
computarized
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computerized
 technologies from the exploration of
the
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apply
show examples
space to
the
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apply
show examples
simple day to day
activities
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 like purchasing, paying, cooking, etc.
Computers
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 play a significant role in our lives.
For example
Linking Words
 facial and voice
recognizion
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recognition
that
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apply
show examples
allows
to
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us to
show examples
acces
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access
 to our bank accounts, to our homes or jobs to name a few.
Certainly
Add a comma
,Certainly
show examples
computers
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 will change the way people travel today, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
near future
Add a hyphen
near-future
show examples
 individuals might not require to have a paper passport in order to move around the world, all the information will be
controled
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controlled
 and secured by
computers
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 without a doubt. On the other side, despite
computers
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 are here to ease the way we live and make our processes more efficient, it is necessary to be aware of what
activities
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computers
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 can not replace namely intrinsic aspects of human pshyquis that are developed by interacting with others
such
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is
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as
show examples
 the case of babies, toddlers and kids
whom
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who
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develope
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develop
developed
 their sense of belonging
throught
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through
throughout
 the contact with their parents or guardians.
Computers
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 might ease our lives but society should pay attention to not delegate
such
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 important
activities
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 to a machine. To conclude, technologies and
computers
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allows
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allow
show examples
 that society and humankind
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to
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advance with giant steps.
However
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, people should be aware of the
activities
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 that might not
be replace
Change the verb form
be replaced
show examples
 by a computer
such
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the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 human touch, that way we will
be only benefit
Change the verb form
only benefit
show examples
 and not
predjudice
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prejudice
 at the same time.
Submitted by shirley_7mp on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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