IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The media should limit how much bad news they report because it discourages people from doing activities which usually involve very little risk. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#media #limit #news #report #people #activities #risk
In contemporary times, the number of
news
involve
Change the verb form
involves
show examples
 violence or natural disaster which is informed throughout the media.
Nevertheless
,
people
 have different view about the media ought to restrict
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of bad
news
 revealed due to the fact that it is able to affect our lives. It seems to me that bad
news
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to show to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 in order
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
people
 aware
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 the world is happening
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days. I will prove
this
 issue clearly. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasons why
people
 should not reduce bad information on the media.
First
 justification, the amount of concerns is occurring across the world
such
 as crime rate, natural disasters, polluted environment and so on. We have a right to perceive bad
news
 to avoid dangerous circumstances. Take the example of, the pandemic is spreading more and
more over
Correct your spelling
moreover
show examples
 the world in
this
 time.
As a result
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 increase in the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
death
Add an article
a death
the death
show examples
 rate.
Therefore
, notification of bad
news
 plays a vital role in our lives. It
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 citizens who are able to protect themselves to avoid the risk based on the notification as well as improving the awareness of
severe
Add an article
a severe
show examples
 issue which need to address.
Secondly
, climate condition conspicuously change.
Hence
, it is necessary for informing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
audiences, especially the travel agency so that they can justify
approriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 diary for customers to avoid
many
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
risk
Change to a plural noun
risks
show examples
 during the trips
On the other hand
, it is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 denying that bad
news
 may impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human’s activities on the daily basis. It is cause that
anxious
Replace the word
anxiety
show examples
, frighten or fear of bad thing can appear to them. To
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, I am in favour of reporting all information which
people
 need to know .
although
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
 is so
badly
Replace the word
bad
show examples
, it can help
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 unanimously handle these problems
Submitted by caomyphuong3004 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: