Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether children participate in a well-developed group function or create an individual space
oneself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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is a topic
which
Correct pronoun usage
that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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divides parents into two categories. In my opinion,
this
decision could be taken based on the age of the children. On one hand, proponents of group activities argue that
this
can inculcate some social skills. Since the youngsters engage
various
Change preposition
in various

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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assignments, they would learn how to tolerate others behaviour as well characteristics. To illustrate, when students become part of a school science club, involve some discussions and programs , eventually,
this
makes them productive and futuristic.
By contrast
, until
present
Correct article usage
the present

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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generation got
such
opportunities, they would have not been reached
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

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better life.
Thus
, they tend to consider their view has some valid reasons. Despite the above-mentioned consideration, opponents argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

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children find
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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way to be independent.
This
is because in their adulthood
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker if. Consider removing the comma.

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if they want to be self-sufficient and create their own position, they
seems
Change the verb form
seem

It appears that the subject pronoun they and the verb seems are not in agreement. Consider changing the verb.

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to start building their own kingdom rather than following
others’s
Remove the s
others’

The word ’s is not the correct form for the plural possessive of the noun others. Remove the final s.

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dream from their early years. Learning how to build new codes or games which can be not only profitable but benefits
also
for society;
therefore
, both father and mother motivate offsprings to participate these kinds of educational classes than mere joining some clubs that arrange some
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising

The word fund raising seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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programs. In my opinion, after discussing both arguments, I firmly believe that
the
Remove the article
apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article the before both. Consider deleting the article.

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both group and individual activities have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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on
Correct your spelling
own

The word on doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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relevance in our life;
however
,
this
may be
delievered
Correct your spelling
delivered

The word delievered is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

according to the age of the child. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun word. Consider making a change.

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,
preschooler
Add an article
a preschooler

The noun phrase preschooler seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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can be effectively managed in organised activities, whereas teenagers seem to flourish in self-learning methods. In conclusion, even though people have
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun thinking in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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different thinking about offspring’s pastime engagements, I am convinced that
this
would be better if it could be based on the age of the participants.
Submitted by Sal on

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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