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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their spare time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#say #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
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Whether children participate in a well-developed group function or create an individual space
oneself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
is a topic
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 divides parents into two categories. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 decision could be taken based on the age of the children. On one hand, proponents of group activities argue that
this
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 can inculcate some social skills. Since the youngsters engage
various
Change preposition
in various
show examples
 assignments, they would learn how to tolerate others behaviour as well characteristics. To illustrate, when students become part of a school science club, involve some discussions and programs , eventually,
this
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 makes them productive and futuristic.
By contrast
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, until
present
Correct article usage
the present
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 generation got
such
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 opportunities, they would have not been reached
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 better life.
Thus
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, they tend to consider their view has some valid reasons. Despite the above-mentioned consideration, opponents argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 children find
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 way to be independent.
This
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 is because in their adulthood
,
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apply
show examples
 if they want to be self-sufficient and create their own position, they
seems
Change the verb form
seem
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 to start building their own kingdom rather than following
others’s
Remove the s
others’
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 dream from their early years. Learning how to build new codes or games which can be not only profitable but benefits
also
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 for society;
therefore
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, both father and mother motivate offsprings to participate these kinds of educational classes than mere joining some clubs that arrange some
fund raising
Correct your spelling
fundraising
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 programs. In my opinion, after discussing both arguments, I firmly believe that
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both group and individual activities have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
own
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 relevance in our life;
however
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,
this
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 may be
delievered
Correct your spelling
delivered
 according to the age of the child. In
other word
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another word
other words
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,
preschooler
Add an article
a preschooler
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 can be effectively managed in organised activities, whereas teenagers seem to flourish in self-learning methods. In conclusion, even though people have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
different thinking about offspring’s pastime engagements, I am convinced that
this
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 would be better if it could be based on the age of the participants.
Submitted by Sal on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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