IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people see shopping as a leisure activity primarily for young adults, while others disagree. Do you think this has a positive or negative effect on economic development? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

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Lifestyle has undergone dramatic changes over a couple of decades. Presently, it is believed by some masses that shopping is a free-time activity and
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 prevalent among youngsters. Here, I would like to assert that
this
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trend
Use synonyms
 has positive effects on a country's
economy
Use synonyms
. There are various points to support my point of view. First and foremost, shopping enhances the
economy
Use synonyms
 of a nation to a large extent. Taking a real-life example into consideration, in India,
last
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 year administration implemented good and services taxes on every big and small product and put additional charges on the total price of goods to attain more taxes from
people
Use synonyms
 and business owners.
As a result
Linking Words
, shopping in abundance leads to escalating the number of funds in a country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
trend
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 of more shopping confers job opportunities
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 number of
people
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.
for example
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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the administration opens new factories every year to
fulfill
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fulfil
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people
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's demands.
Hence
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, ample workers are attached to
this
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 entrepreneurship and light up the
economy
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 of a country.
Further
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 emphasizing my perspective,
export
Correct article usage
the export
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 and import of products are beneficial to enhance the
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 level. To be specific,
people
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 tend to purchase international brands to uplift
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 standard of living.
Therefore
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, the hard currency of other countries contributes remarkably to making a nation financially robust. What is more, production companies require more raw
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
show examples
 if
people
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 do more shopping and for these sectors
such
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 as
farmer
Fix the agreement mistake
farmers
show examples
 grow more material
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
Thus
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, the
trend
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 of shopping is a boon for every individual. To recapitulate, Undeniably, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 doing more shopping.
However
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, I still believe that
this
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trend
Use synonyms
 has more benefits than negatives.

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task achievement
Strengthen your points with clearer examples and explanations to enhance your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs to create a more cohesive essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to elevate your writing.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide real-life examples to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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