IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children’s development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is often argued that outdoor
activities
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 are more beneficial for
children
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’s
development
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 than
computer
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games
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 view because outdoor
activities
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 improve both physical health and social skills, which are essential for
overall
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 growth. The main reason is that outdoor
activities
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 promote better physical
development
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.
Children
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 who spend time playing outside are more active, which helps improve their strength, coordination, and
overall
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 fitness.
In contrast
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, excessive use of
computer
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games
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 often leads to a sedentary lifestyle, which can negatively affect health.
As a result
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,
children
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 who engage in outdoor
activities
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 are less likely to suffer from issues
such
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 as obesity and poor posture.
For example
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,
games
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 like running, cycling, or playing sports encourage movement and help
children
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 develop healthy habits from a young age.
Therefore
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, outdoor
activities
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 play a crucial role in maintaining physical well-being. Another important reason is that outdoor
activities
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 enhance social and emotional
development
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. When
children
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 play outside, they interact with others, learn teamwork, and develop communication skills.
This
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 helps them build confidence and form meaningful relationships.
On the other hand
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,
computer
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games
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 are often played individually, which may limit real-life social interaction.
Although
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 some online
games
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 allow communication, they cannot fully replace face-to-face interaction.
For instance
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,
children
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 playing in a park learn how to cooperate, resolve conflicts, and share with others.
As a result
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, outdoor
activities
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 contribute significantly to a child’s social growth. In conclusion, I strongly agree that outdoor
activities
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 are more beneficial than
computer
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games
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 because they support both physical health and social
development
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. Encouraging
children
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 to spend more time outdoors can lead to healthier and more balanced growth.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and stays on the topic. To get a higher score, add one idea about why some people may like computer games, then show why you still disagree or agree more with that side.
task response
For task response, your examples are good but a bit general. Try to add one more specific example, such as a real kind of game or a clear situation from school or home.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow with clear paragraphs. To make it even better, use a few more linking words like 'however', 'in addition', or 'for this reason' in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main paragraph has one clear point. For a higher score, you can develop each point a little more with one extra sentence of explanation.
task response
For task response, you answer the question fully and clearly show a strong opinion from the start to the end.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant and easy to understand, and you use examples to support them.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas connect well, and each paragraph stays focused on one main point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fresh air
  • physical development
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • problem-solving
  • confidence
  • independent
  • healthy habits
  • screen time
  • eye strain
  • active lifestyle
  • mental growth
  • hand-eye coordination
  • quick thinking
  • educational games
  • real-life experience
  • balanced view
  • to a great extent
  • in moderation
  • full development
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