IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you ‎think this has more advantages or disadvantages?‎

#students #jobs #studies #‎think
Nowadays(1),
parents
 motivate their
children
 to indulge (2) in various activities, ‎and doing a part-time
job
 is one of them. In
this
 essay, I will shed some light on (3) ‎the pros (3) and cons of doing a part-time
job
. ‎ It is evident that (4)
parents
 support their
children
(5) to do part-time jobs, thereby ‎leading to apparent outcomes: the
children
 learn the importance of money and ‎become responsible. Doing part-time jobs at an early stage of life(6) teaches them ‎the importance of earning money and preventing(7) them from being a ‎spendthrift(8).
For instance
, during my college days, I used to take part-time ‎tuition classes, which taught me to save my hard-earned money(9).
Further
, ‎working part-time
also
 makes
children
 responsible person. To exemplify, odd-‎jobs like a pizza boy teach the
children
 how the employer(10) is dependent on ‎them to run(11) his business(12);
consequently
, they do their work incredibly/ ‎sincerely and take (13) complete responsibility. ‎
However
(14), every coin(15) has two sides, and despite(16) all the advantages of a ‎temporary
job
, there are some drawbacks(17).
Firstly
(18), it will (19) disturb the ‎regular schedule of the
children
. To illustrate(20), the students are already ‎burdened(21) with their study schedule;
therefore
(22), doing other jobs will affect ‎their studies.
Moreover
(23), they will not be able to spend time with their
parents
. ‎To exemplify,
children
 will have to do a part-time
job
 in the evening or night only ‎after school hours;
thus
(24), they may not spend any quality time with their ‎
parents
. ‎ In conclusion(25), a part-time
job
 has a plethora of advantages and disadvantages. ‎
However
(26), on balance(27), I tend to believe that
parents
 should motivate/ ‎encourage their
children
 to do a part-time
job
 as it teaches them better qualities, ‎provided (28) that they manage their daily routine properly.‎
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: