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Band 5.5

In many countries, the rich are becoming more prosperous, and the poor ‎are becoming poorer. Why is this a problem? What solutions can be done to ‎solve this problem?

#countries #‎are #‎solve
Nowadays(1), wealth is concentrated in the hands of a few
people
(2) in many ‎nations and they accumulate more and more wealth. Because of (3)
this
 the ‎deprived sections of the society are becoming poorer and poorer.
This
 essay ‎‎(4)will discuss some of the problems caused(5) by
this
 and suggest(6) solutions ‎for it.‎ In some countries, much of(7) the economy is controlled by (8)a few large ‎corporate houses and
this
 leads(9) to uneven distribution of wealth. The
small-‎scale
Correct your spelling
small-scale
show examples
business
 entrepreneurs
therefore
Add the comma(s)
,therefore
show examples
 (10)have to give up their
business
 due to ‎pricing competition that they cannot compete(11) with the large-scale
business
 ‎holders.
For instance
(12), presently
people
 go to supermarkets and hyper-‎markets to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household things because of the low price (13)offered ‎by them.
As a result
(14), small vendors face a recession and they have to close ‎their businesses.‎ Another cause of(15)
this
 problem is that quality (16)
education
 is beyond the ‎reach of poor
people
. They have to send their children to state(17) funded ‎schools where they do not teach very well. Many of these children eventually ‎drop out of school to find employment. Since they lack
education
, they cannot ‎find a good job or earn a decent salary.‎ Making
education
 and opportunities available to everyone is the best ‎solution(18) to
this
 problem. The governments can(19) support and encourage the ‎small-scale
business
people
 by providing special schemes and
low interest
Add a hyphen
low-interest
show examples
 ‎loans to develop their
business
. Increasing the tax on imported goods in ‎supermarkets and reducing the tax on indigenously made goods help the ‎development of
small
Correct article usage
the small
show examples
 scale
business
 sector.
In addition
(20), the government ‎must(21) ensure that quality
education
 is available for free to poor students.‎ To conclude(22), the gap between the rich and poor should(23) be narrowed by(24) ‎providing free higher
education
 to the deprived class and making loans(25) and ‎subsidies(25) available for their
business
.‎
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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