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Band 5.5

In many countries, the rich are becoming more prosperous, and the poor ‎are becoming poorer. Why is this a problem? What solutions can be done to ‎solve this problem?

#countries #‎are #‎solve
Nowadays(1), wealth is concentrated in the hands of a few
people
(2) in many ‎nations and they accumulate more and more wealth. Because of (3)
this
 the ‎deprived sections of the society are becoming poorer and poorer.
This
 essay ‎‎(4)will discuss some of the problems caused(5) by
this
 and suggest(6) solutions ‎for it.‎ In some countries, much of(7) the economy is controlled by (8)a few large ‎corporate houses and
this
 leads(9) to uneven distribution of wealth. The
small-‎scale
Correct your spelling
small-scale
show examples
business
 entrepreneurs
therefore
Add the comma(s)
,therefore
show examples
 (10)have to give up their
business
 due to ‎pricing competition that they cannot compete(11) with the large-scale
business
 ‎holders.
For instance
(12), presently
people
 go to supermarkets and hyper-‎markets to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household things because of the low price (13)offered ‎by them.
As a result
(14), small vendors face a recession and they have to close ‎their businesses.‎ Another cause of(15)
this
 problem is that quality (16)
education
 is beyond the ‎reach of poor
people
. They have to send their children to state(17) funded ‎schools where they do not teach very well. Many of these children eventually ‎drop out of school to find employment. Since they lack
education
, they cannot ‎find a good job or earn a decent salary.‎ Making
education
 and opportunities available to everyone is the best ‎solution(18) to
this
 problem. The governments can(19) support and encourage the ‎small-scale
business
people
 by providing special schemes and
low interest
Add a hyphen
low-interest
show examples
 ‎loans to develop their
business
. Increasing the tax on imported goods in ‎supermarkets and reducing the tax on indigenously made goods help the ‎development of
small
Correct article usage
the small
show examples
 scale
business
 sector.
In addition
(20), the government ‎must(21) ensure that quality
education
 is available for free to poor students.‎ To conclude(22), the gap between the rich and poor should(23) be narrowed by(24) ‎providing free higher
education
 to the deprived class and making loans(25) and ‎subsidies(25) available for their
business
.‎
Submitted by arash.dejkameh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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