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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In modern society, fashion is becoming more and more popular in people’s choice of clothes. Why? Do you think it is positive development or negative development?

Undoubtedly, in today's fast-paced era, the trend of
modernization
Change the spelling
modernisation
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including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 fancy outfits, among youngsters has skyrocketed dramatically. In my opinion, it is
due to
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 the effect of
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is not a welcoming trend; notwithstanding,
this
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 disquisition delves into both standpoints,
subsequently
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. Apparently, the first and foremost ground of escalating
this
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 blind trend is lucrative advertisements by one's favourite personalities
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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: film stars, athletes, musicians, and
politicians
Punctuation problem
politicians,
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 under whose influence, teenagers want to dress
similarly
Linking Words
 to their idols.
Secondly
Linking Words
, ramifications of
this
Linking Words
 current tendency, fashionable clothes and
its'
Check wording
its
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 competitions have been gaining popularity nowadays.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey, as exemplification
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 by GNA (
guardian
Fix capitalization
Guardian
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 Newspaper of America), states that Zara, a well-known brand of the fashion industry, has become one of the top ten influencer clothing brands
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in 2015, which has sold a plethora of outfits across the globe.
Additionally
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, thanks to technology and the Internet, which is omnipresent
due to
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 a minimal charge,
that is
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 the main culprit of spreading the vogue within no
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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.
Thus
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, the vindication of the popularity of the current fashion movement worldwide.
Conversely
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,
this
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 course of
look
Check wording
action
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 has become developmental yet detrimental for a local community. In
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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,
due to
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 the advanced drift of modern attire, the cultural values of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
wearing
Check wording
attire
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 on the verge of extinction and
would be
Verb problem
will
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 definitely
be died
Wrong verb form
die
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one day in
Rephrase
out
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 sooner
fortune
Check wording
or later
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, if not carried out some preventive measures.
Moreover
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, the upcoming generations will only be able to see some unique photographs of the conventional style of look in history books and museums. To
epitomize
Change the spelling
epitomise
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, India had a wide range of old-fashioned clothing styles till the late seventeenth century, but being
over-ruled
Use the right word
overruled
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 by
Britishers
Correct article usage
the Britishers
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, it has lost its community pride and welcomed
western
Fix capitalization
Western
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 styles. No doubt, the modern tendency is comfortable and so affordable that a person would prefer to buy it rather than paying 10
folds
Check wording
times
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 for outdated clothes;
however
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, the taste of being unique is not
more
Rephrase
as
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 usual now.
To conclude
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, having explored both vantage points, I personally posit that the fashion mania is ubiquitous in recent years
due to
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 free Internet and faulty adverts;
although
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, an individual should strike a balance between
following
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this
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 direction and saving
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 valuable cultural attire.

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language
Fix many grammar and spelling errors to make clear sense.
structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, middle and end. Put the idea in the intro and the view in the end.
content
Use one main idea in each paragraph and give a simple example to back it up.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas connect, for example, and, but, also, therefore.
content
Be careful with facts. Use real, simple examples or say it as a guess.
language
Keep long sentences short and easy to read.
purpose
The essay does try to answer the question.
content
There are two sides of the issue.
examples
There are some examples used.
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