Some British families decide not to buy televisions because they influence the development of the creativity of children. What do you think?

With the rapid
technology
Add a comma
,technology
show examples
televisions play a vital role in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
life. In Britain, many families decide not to buy
television
because it affects the creativity of children. I
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
with the statement that
television
teaches a lot of valuable lessons to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children.
This
essay will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
views in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
,
television
telecast a plethora of creative shows
such
as how to make decoration pieces from the waste materials, arts, sports,
education related
Add a hyphen
education-related
show examples
programs and so on. Pupils learn
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
from these shows.
For instance
, a survey was conducted in Russia in which found that 80%
juveniles
Change preposition
of juveniles
show examples
are very creative and they learn creativity from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV shows. While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
other 20%
kids
Change preposition
of kids
show examples
do not have
television
Add an article
a television
show examples
in their home.
Hence
, from
this
survey
Add a comma
,survey
show examples
it is clear that
television
palys
Correct your spelling
plays
a vital role in children's life.
Secondly
,
television
also
telecast some other shows related to crimes,
Submitted by Rajwinder Kaur on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: