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Band 4.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
It has been a controversial issue whether
people
 should pay for
entrance
Add an article
the entrance
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
museums
 or not. From my
perspective
Add a comma
,perspective
show examples
 there will be more benefits than drawbacks if
museums
 are not free for their audiences. There may be some benefits if
museums
 become free for all visitors. When it comes to
encouraging
Correct article usage
the encouraging
show examples
 factor, from time to time individuals who are under financial problems regret visiting
museums
 due to the price of public places’ tickets. It seems that when
people
 are allowed to visit
museums
 without paying
money
, they would be more enthusiastic to establish a time during their journey for visiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public places
such
 as
museums
. It may be more ethical if both wealthy and poor
people
 have the same opportunity to visit
museums
.
However
, from my view, it would be more beneficial to charge
museums
 for admission.
Although
 from morality issues,
museums
 should be free for all
people
, when it comes to financial perspective, preserving traditional art crafts
such
 as valuable paintings, and
jewelries
Change the wording
jewelry
pieces of jewelry
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 expensive.
Museums
 need
money
 to protect these historical materials against thefts. Earning
money
 from selling entrance tickets may enable
museums
 to pay their current costs and tackle their financial problems.
Moreover
, developing countries
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 have
Add an article
a
show examples
low level of industrialization generally invest a lot of
money
 into attracting tourists. They hope to improve their economy by the
money
 that they earn from tourists’ attraction places
such
 as
museums
. By establishing free
museums
, these nations are less likely to benefit from tourists. All in all, in my view countries’
museums
Add the comma(s)
,museums
show examples
 should not be free, regarding the points mentioned above, charging
people
 with entrance fee may be more beneficial for the museum and the economy of the host country.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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