IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some parents say that giving expensive gifts to a child can create bad habits in him/ her. Agree or disagree.

#parents #gifts #child #habits
Nowadays, children have access to everything. Be it costly gadgets or branded clothes. Some people are of the view that exorbitant offerings can make toddlers inconstant. I somewhat agree with
this
 as explained in the upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, when infants get the things they demand from their
parents
 instantly, they do not value
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 much.
For instance
, my pal's daughter has a room full of toys, even
then
 she requests her
parents
 for a new one after every few days and the buy for her. She plays with it for a day or two and later dumps it in that room because she knows that she can get a fresh version effortlessly.
Furthermore
,
instead
 of sharing, youngsters inculcate the habit of boasting off the devices they have among their friends. Eventually, the teenagers develop a feeling of jealousy for each other.
On the contrary
, extravagant presents can have a positive impact as well. If the
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
handout
Correct your spelling
hand out
show examples
 bonus to their baby when he accomplishes something virtuous
then
 that would keep the offspring motivated and dedicated towards good things.
For example
, another friend of mine inspires her juvenile to study properly by telling her that if she gets superior grades in her class
then
 she would get a reward in return. In my opinion,
parents
 should
adapt
Correct your spelling
adopt
show examples
 the above-mentioned proposition to make the younger one learn the significance of wealth and how humans have to work hard for it to buy
such
 extraordinary stuff.
Therefore
, I agree with the topic to a huge extent. To conclude, it depends on a person's financial status as to what kind of articles can afford for their little one.
However
, teaching them the worth of money and assuring that they do not embrace
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an unethical nature is crucial.
Submitted by harsimrankaur2400 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: