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Band 5.5

Some people say that no one should work after the age of sixty-five while others say that they can work as long as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #work #age #sixty-five
Wealth is an important factor
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 leads to better well-being and prosperous life .
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 some chunks of folks argue that
people
 after
sixty five
Add a hyphen
sixty-five
show examples
 should not
engaged
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be engaged
show examples
 in
work
 while others argued that
these soul
Change the determiner
this soul
these souls
show examples
 can
work
 without any age barrier.The forthcoming essay will discuss both aspects and my opinion
also
.
Firstly
, the
people
 above
sixty five
Add a hyphen
sixty-five
show examples
 years are still working in our society , is mainly due to lack of money.These
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
 tribes
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to
work
 for the
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 of the needs of their own
families
. Mostly the adults in the
families
 are working to meet their needs,
although
 in some cases the elder needs to
work
 in their old age for the survival of their dependents.
For example
 , if the earner of the family died
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an accident,
then
 it is the responsibility
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
elder
Add an article
an elder
the elder
show examples
 person of that family to cater
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 needs of others .
Consequently
Add a comma
,
show examples
the aged
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to earn for their own and for their
families
.
On the other hand
, the older generation should provide a space to younger ones
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
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 to create more employment opportunities. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 vast difference between the approaches used by them due to
this
 age gaps like education and working pattern
also
.For instances,
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to collect
an
Correct article usage
apply
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information statistic old
people
 mostly rely on landline
Correct your spelling
whereas
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where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
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 younger
people
 will collect information through various new technologies like
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 and mobile phones without
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 delays. In
this
 era , adults are more capable of handling technological updation rather than old ones. In my point of view,
people
 above
sixty five
Add a hyphen
sixty-five
show examples
 can
work
 and earn,if it is necessary for themselves and for their
families
.
Otherwise
Add a comma
,Otherwise
show examples
 they can leave their professions and provide opportunities for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
 generation.
Submitted by MEERA  on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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