IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The higher proportion of older population will over take younger generation what is the reason? is it positive or negative development?

Undoubtedly, it is an absolute truth that senior communities will
be skyrocketed
Wrong verb form
skyrocket
show examples
 dramatically than younglings
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Use the right word
in
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 the near future.
This
Linking Words
 would be
due to
Linking Words
 the
better-advanced
Correct word choice
more advanced
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 health care
system
Use synonyms
. I, personally, opine that it is
non-welcoming
Correct article usage
a non-welcoming
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 development; notwithstanding, the disquisition delves into in-depth grounds,
as well as
Linking Words
 will
also
Linking Words
explore
Correct subject-verb agreement
explores
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 why I
do
Verb problem
apply
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think so. Apparently, the main rationale why the statistics of elder citizens will pop up
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 might
because
Verb problem
be because
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 of the better and the advanced medical
system
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, researchers, doctors, and scientists have
clinched
Verb problem
achieved
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 a greater level of success to win against life-threatening diseases;
hence
Linking Words
, the life span of people
is
Verb problem
has
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 already
escalated
Wrong verb form
been extended
show examples
. An article by GNA (Guardian Newspaper of America),
for instance
Linking Words
, stated that by 2050, a human being would be able to defeat cancers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and autoimmune disorders, and
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 lead a longer life. Ergo, older people will live longer than average years.
Conversely
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, the tendency can be proven as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantageous for youngsters and the governments, if it
will succeed
Wrong verb form
succeeds
show examples
. In detail, if they
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have
the
Correct article usage
an
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elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 crowd, the authorities would have to allocate a major fraction of the nation's budget to the health care
system
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, to take responsibility for baby
boomers
Punctuation problem
boomers,
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 the executives will have to hire a plethora of health care workers
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, other sectors which need remuneration
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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 education and
research
Punctuation problem
research,
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 will not
be progressed
Wrong verb form
progress
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. Wherefore, the justification of a more aged population is a clear sign of restricted progression.
To conclude
Linking Words
, having explored both standpoints, I recapitulate that
due to
Linking Words
 awareness of fitness, and the ultramodern medical
system
Use synonyms
, the age of the public will be doubled in
sooner
Use the right word
a shorter
show examples
 time;
nonetheless
Linking Words
, it is evident that
such
Linking Words
 a development is unfortunate for
further
Linking Words
 growth of the community.

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language
Use short lines and clear words. Fix big grammar problems and keep to the small, easy parts of the language.
structure
Be clear in your view from the start. In the intro, say what you think and why. Then give 2 or 3 clear reasons with small facts or examples.
cohesion
Link ideas well. Use simple words like first, next, and also to move from one idea to the next.
content
Give stronger, real examples that fit the point. Check facts and use real data when you can.
task
You take a view on the topic
scope
You set out two sides of the issue
content
You try to give an example
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