Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, youngsters prefer virtual

games

Use synonyms

to physical sports. It is claimed by some people that offspring should

encourage

Wrong verb form

be encouraged

show examples

to play outdoor

games

Use synonyms

rather than video gaming. I entirely agree with the statement, and I believe that virtual

games

Use synonyms

should be restricted and young

ones

Check wording

people

show examples

ought to facilitate

Verb problem

should be encouraged

show examples

to take part in outdoor activities.

To begin

Linking Words

with, sometimes playing electronic

games

Use synonyms

often develop many skills and experience in children.

In other words

Linking Words

, since virtual

games

Use synonyms

are associated with

computer

Fix the agreement mistake

computers

show examples

and technology, it might help the broods to become

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

expert

Fix the agreement mistake

experts

show examples

in using computers and the internet.

For instance

Linking Words

, it is found in a recent survey that teenagers, who play online

games

Use synonyms

, have better know-how about electronic devices and

Correct article usage

the webs

show examples

webs

Fix the agreement mistake

web

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

, online

games

Use synonyms

sometimes have positive effects on the young generation.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, outdoor sports can make children social

as well as

Linking Words

physically fit. To elaborate, as broods get the opportunity to interact with other people, the interpersonal skills of youngsters are more likely to be improved

while

Linking Words

playing with other fellow players.

For example

Linking Words

, a child has to communicate with other players and his friends at the playground, which

assists

Verb problem

helps

show examples

them

Verb problem

apply

show examples

learn the way of communication

Check wording

skills.

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

, arduous physical tasks help the offspring to remain fitter and healthier.

Therefore

Linking Words

, outside

games

Use synonyms

can not only improve communication skills but

also

Linking Words

ensure a healthy life for the young generation. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

involving

Wrong verb form

being involved

show examples

in outside activities has many social and physical benefits, children have a preference for online gaming.

However

Linking Words

, I completely agree with the significance of outdoor sports.

Hence

Linking Words

, I think that broods ought to be motivated and facilitated to play outdoor

games

Use synonyms

Moreover

Linking Words

, the use of virtual

games

Use synonyms

should be monitored and controlled.

tahjib.rimon

Jun 17, 2021

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task

Task response: State a clear main view in the first line and keep it the same in the rest of the essay. Do not move to other strong ideas. Give more real proof.

coherence

Coherence: Use one main idea per paragraph. Start with a short topic sentence and end with a small closing line. Use simple link words like first, also, but, then, so.

language

Language: Use easy and common words. Replace hard terms like broods, webs, know-how with 'children', 'the web', 'skill'.

task

The essay shows a clear view in the intro.

structure

There is a plan with three parts: intro, body, conclusion.

content

Some ideas are given to show the view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Your opinion

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Write an essay that summarizes and evaluates the key points of both texts. Use your own words to the extent

Most people are worried about young children playing video games, what problems might these games cause as a whole to society and individuals? What solutions can you suggest to reduce these problems.