IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people argue that governments should make laws regarding people's nutrition and food choices to improve public health while others contend that this is the freedom of personal choice and responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #laws #nutrition #food #choices #health #freedom #choice #responsibility
Nowadays, one school of thought believes that higher authorities should introduce rules considering the nutrition of the masses to improve their health
however
, others reckon that individuals should choose their food by themselves.
This
 essay will
disuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and according
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 me, having freedom for choosing own diet is much more beneficial than levying restrictions. To commence with, the salient reason why bureaucrats should impose laws on food choices is that, presently, fast food is cheaper and individuals are very much interested to consume
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of meals regularly which would lead to numerous diseases among people because of
presence
Add an article
the presence
show examples
 of toxins in these products
such
 as obesity, diabetes , blood pressure, etcetera. For mitigating these issues,
administration
Add an article
the administration
show examples
 should impose regulations about the nutrition which they have to consume. To exemplify, recently,
Italy
Correct article usage
the Italy
show examples
 government have introduced the code of conduct where soft drinks are totally banned in the country in
otder
Correct your spelling
order
 to preserve the health of residents. On the paradoxical side, there are myriad reasons why people should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to select their own meals.
Firstly
, if the authorities ban the unhealthy items,
then
 it would create a huge loss to the producers of these items which may results in revolt by these persons against the law.
Secondly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not
infringed
Change the verb form
infringe
show examples
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 right of humans. Masses must have the right to eat whatever they want as they are educated enough and perfectly know what is right and wrong for them.
Therefore
, bureaucrats should not
interefere
Correct your spelling
interfere
 in the personal life of citizens. To epitomise, many youngsters are now aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their health, so they prefer to go to gyms and do workouts or adapt weekly diets to remain fit in life. To recapitulate,
although
, higher authorities will create
a rules
Correct the article-noun agreement
rules
a rule
show examples
 to bring a balance between healthy and unhealthy things, whereas, I personally opine that dwellers should have independence in choosing their own nutrients to avoid riots and stop infringing the freedom of individuals.
Submitted by on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: