Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas in whichever way they wish. There should be no public or government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

It has been suggested that complete
freedom
ought to
offer
Wrong verb form
be offered
show examples
to creative artists in order to allow them to present their original opinions in every method they want and artists’ behaviours should not be restricted by the authorities and residents. Personally, I entirely agree with
this
opinion as
this
situation not only benefits
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young learner’s development but
also
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
to people’s understanding of cultural diversity. First of all, giving enough
freedom
is beneficial to the creation of every artist, which provides different thinking styles for children.
This
is because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
paintings and drawings produced by drawers flexibly can not be judged by a universal standard. If students study those
art
products, they will be encouraged to express their opinions in different ways, which inspires them to think outside the box,
thus
engaging them to build creative thinking. As an illustration, most of the past pictures presented in
art
classes were created in
freedom
. Young
art
learners are taught to think from different angles by appreciating those artworks, which contributes to young individuals’ better performance in every area.
Furthermore
, artists who come from different nations create countless artworks which document their own national culture and traditions. Appreciating those artworks provides individuals with some chances to deepen their understanding of different thoughts and behaviours, which is a good way to raise a sense of awareness of cultural diversity for people around the world.
For instance
, a significant number of masterpieces, which derive from a free creation atmosphere,
exhibiting
Wrong verb form
exhibited
show examples
in the Melbourne Museum present every national culture. Visiting
this
museum is an opportunity for Melbourne locals to understand cultural diversity. In conclusion,
although
people may vary in their opinions about whether thorough
freedom
should be given to
art
creators or not. I consider that offering a free creation environment for artists is a benefit for every person.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

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Task Response
Your essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument. However, make sure to fully develop your points and provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay possesses a logical structure and maintains coherence throughout. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more robust and insightful to enhance cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances where more precise and varied vocabulary could be used to convey ideas more effectively.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a sound grasp of grammar and sentence structures. However, watch for subject-verb agreement and use complex structures to showcase a wider grammatical range.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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